I am not going to lie, we have had one of THOSE weeks at home. This song is always what I need to hear on weeks like this. I am not trying to fix anyone, just help put the broken pieces back together when it gets a little too hard. #goauty #perfectjusthewayyouare #changeishard

Meltdowns

We all think our kids have "Meltdowns", this blog explains what they really are, and how to tell if its just a  tantrum.

I have always struggled to see the line, the place where you can clearly see the difference in what Fall is going through. Is she manipulating us? Is she just throwing a fit? Her reaction to stress has been this total loss of control, and not in an angry, hitting, screaming way. She loses any control of her body and just sobs, and cries out loudly. The part that makes me feel the most awful is my reaction to it. I just want it to stop. The feelings her meltdowns evoke in me are a combination of sadness, frustration, and this part makes me feel guilty, but anger. I get mad. Maybe it is because I have been through so many, and it was such a constant in our house for so many years that my tolerance has run its course. This mommy guilt is horrible to deal with. No one gives you instructions on how to handle a kid that loses her cool and literally does not "Come back" for hours. I have had my fair share of negative feelings (and comments from others), and I have to live with those. What I have learned though, is that this isn't your normal parenting experience, you aren't going to feel the normal parenting feelings. The highs and lows of parenting an Aspie, or any child with autism, are intense. We are ALL learning in this house. 

Luckily, since we started school and have been given, and sought a lot of therapies, and help we have seen a huge difference in our house. Fall was paired with THE best aide in all the world. She is ABA trained and has been in the field forever, and I mean when I say that she is one of the biggest blessings in Fall's life. She has helped me see the difference in meltdown vs. tantrum, and she has helped Fall learn how to change her reaction in the face of a meltdown inducing moment. Thankfully, meltdowns have gone from an every day, a few times a day occurrence to about once a week (at most). We have some very special people, some therapies that have been amazing, and AGE to thank for this turnaround. 

Next time I will talk about what has caused her meltdowns, from a young age to now, at age 7. 

Finding Her Voice

Fall has never been one to sing along to a song, dance, or sing on her own, until recently. It feels like a mini miracle to me. My youngest is always singing and dancing, and to me that just feels like inner happiness coming out of her. I wish for that for Fall too. Before Christmas she asked for a karaoke machine. I was shocked. Seriously, I was shocked. If you put her on the spot she melts. My hubby and I talked it over because this was a rather large purchase, definitely making it one of her "big gifts". If it was something she really wanted we would be happy to get it for her. She didn't let up, asking every single day. Then, we go buy it, and of course the next day she says she changed her mind. Well, great. Ha! We kept it anyways in hopes that she would still use it. I am SO happy to say she LOVES to hear her own voice! It fills me with joy to hear her singing up in her room. She begs her sister to join in, and then I get to hear them singing together. Sometimes she sings songs from memory, no music, and that is a special treat. I won't say she has a future in singing professionally, but who cares! She is having fun, and being free and confident. That is all this mommy can ask for.

Point System

As parents, it took us a long time to figure out how to cope with certain parts of Asperger's, the disabling anxiety and the sloooowwwwnessssss to be exact. We have finally come up with a system that seems to keep Fall motivated to try harder and move faster. Every time she gets something accomplished with out much push from us she gets a point. Well, I should say....every time we remember to award her one. Anyways, once she reaches five points she gets a trip to the beloved book store to get a brand new chapter book, and of course, what trip to the bookstore is complete without a hot chocolate?

This morning was one of those exceptionally amazing mornings that makes the whole world sparkle and shine. I asked Fall to run back upstairs to grab the socks I had laid out for her, and I also asked her to "scan" her room for her boots. We says SCAN because if we use a word like find its ends in meltdown, and when I say meltdown I do NOT mean fit, I mean agonizing frustration and tears from her overwhelming anxiety that is triggered by such lovely, pressure inducing words as "find". It does not matter if the shoes are in the middle of the room without another thing in a two foot radius, she will NOT find the shoes to save her life. So, I say "Go up and scan your room for your shoes, and if they aren't there I will help you look elsewhere". Not only did Fall come down with her socks, and her shoes (YES!!!!), but she also grabbed her glasses without being told. That right there made my day. It doesn't stop there folks. She walked out the door, and straight to the car, and got right into that car. Every day is a new match of wills with doing things immediately. We rush to get out of the house, and yet Fall still thinks stopping and picking leaves and flowers is in our time budget. We have "words" every morning about this.. But not THIS morning. Its a good day people! I gave her two points for all her efforts this morning, which I hope will motivate her to have another good morning tomorrow. A girl can dream, right?

Parenting isn't easy, in fact its down right HARD. Parenting a child on the spectrum is just plain tricky, which is why sometimes we have to come up with our very own tricks.

Line it up

As I was looking through the large amount of icons on my desktop, I came across a folder I had named "LINED UP". I opened it and there were some pictures I had taken of Fall's obsession with lining her toys up. She had a few different formations she would use. I thought I would share them.

 This used to drive her crazy. Little sis, who we will call Crazy C, would come along and pick things up and run off..

This was one of the red flags that went on my list of worries that I took in to our doctor. It's normal to do this every so often, but I don't think she ever played actual car games with them. I should have taken pictures of what her blocks always looked like, and recorded her games. She still gets all of her "students" out every once in a while. I find it sad that she spends most of her play time in her room these days, I don't get the chance to eavesdrop. She watches the stair case like a hawk for signs that someone might come up and scare her. Ohhhh, my Aspie.

My how things have changed...

Wow, we have had some major changes in every aspect of life. In some ways it has gotten a lot easier, in other ways much trickier.

Fall now has full support at school. She has been recognized as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and visual perception deficits, and a laundry list of other learning hindrances. We are managing things really well. She works with an ABA aide most of the day, who is really good at helping her work without working for her. She also has her own 1:1 support aide for two hours each morning. This aide walks her to her resource class, keeps her on task, and just basically stays on top of any needs that arise. We now have Fall getting out of the car in the morning and walking into school alone. The ABA aide that works with her insisted that this was a step we needed to make in order to ensure she is capable of handling school on her own one day. We started with the aide getting her out of the car, moved on to her getting out and meeting the aide at the gate, and now she does it on her own most days. We still have days where she needs someone to meet her at the gate and that is okay. I know she needs this. We struggle mainly with independence, so this is going to play a huge role in making her less dependent on Mommy. It also helps her with her upper body strength. She sees an Occupational Therapist for her physical strength once a week, and goes to the resource room for math each day. I worry, when things get into a nice groove, that they will take some services away because she is doing so well. Her team is aware that she is surviving because of the support, so the nerves are more like background noise right now. Sure is nice to play a less active role in her education these days. I think most parents try as hard as possible to stay involved while I try hard to step back and let Fall be her own biggest advocate. That is what the next few years is all about, getting her to take charge and be her own leader. She can do this. With the proper support, and love, she can do anything.

Looking back...

A friend wrote me this weekend asking me about Aspergers, Autism, and developmental disorders. She wanted to know if she could send me some stories about her son, could I look them over and help her decide if he needed help. Of course, wanting to help, I went back and forth with her over email. The entire time we were writing all of the memories of that era in our lives came flooding back to me. Fall's fourth and fifth years of life were probably some of the most painful years of my life. The pain of admitting that our child was not a typical, well developing child was almost too much to bear. We prayed, begged, pleaded and cried for the ease of a normal life for our baby. "Please take this pain and frustration away from our sweet child" was my daily plead to God. Looking back, I realize now that these were the years where things were going to turn around for her. These were the years where we built her a foundation in her education, we laid some ground rules on how she should be taught, what she should receive modifications for and what she was capable of. We figured out how to help her deal with her eyes, and how to handle her when she just couldn't deal anymore.
Life is not going to be easy for her, we know this and we struggle every day accepting the challenges she may face. The good news is that instead of praying to make her "normal", we now pray to help her face her struggles with strength and determination. Don't take away who she is, just please make her stronger and better for the challenges she faces.